Your self-esteem is one of the most valuable attributes you have that will help you win in life. It’s not your experiences, connections, intellect or skill set. It’s what you believe and how you feel about yourself that matters most of all.
In my mid twenties I experienced a severe quarter life crises. I was not feeling really good about my life. I allowed myself to get caught in the rat race of comparison and competition. I was working a job that I landed fresh out of college, earning a handsome salary, so I looked really good on paper. However I was totally misaligned with my purpose and I was miserable.
Here is the problem main problem with the way that most people think about their value: Instead of really believing that true happiness and fulfillment comes from within, we look to others to answer questions that only we have the answer to. And to provide what we should have for ourselves.
Chances are that no time has been taken to do the inner work of discovering who we are at our core; without the bells and whistles, just organically. We have not taken the time to figure out what our own dreams, wants and goals are because we have become so enthralled with others. Materials and status have become desire over self-care.
When we get the opportunity to speak highly of ourselves, we don’t. Or when its really time to toot our own horn or put our strengths on display we depress them without really considering the long term. Continuing this cycle will make you wake up one day wondering, “How and why did I become depressed?”
To change your trajectory, let’s interrupt these poor behavior patters. You can do this by making three new commitments to yourself TODAY. With this set of commitments, you are less likely to be threatened by opportunities to let your light shine.
COMMITMENT 1: DISCOVER YOURSELF
When something or someone is held in high esteem, that thing or person has value. But there is a step before that. There is NO way to esteem something that you don’t first value. Equally, you can’t value something that you don’t know. The suggestion is that self-esteem emerges from self-awareness.
Have you ever honestly asked yourself self discovery questions like…
“What do I want?”
“Who am I?”
“Where do I want to live?”
“What type of impact do I want to have?”
“Where am I going?”
“What do I want to be doing every day?”
“How do I want to feel?”
“What types of people do I want in my circle?”
Have you ever honestly answered? It’s totally fine if your answer is a solid NO. Most people are not able to answer the very same questions. But the questions are critical to your self-esteem. You may not have the answers immediately. But don’t ignore them! Having the questions replaying in your mind is equally as important. You might surprise yourself as to how quickly you get an answer because you are wired for self-discovery.
COMMITMENT 2: ELIMINATE JUDGMENTAL SELF-DESCRIPTIONS
How many times have you said to someone, “don’t judge me”? Well, your saying that is counteractive when you use judgmental towards yourself.
“I am fat”
“I have a buck teeth”
“I am ugly”
“I am a mistake”
“I am stupid”
“I am bad” (the negative meaning)
We ALL have characteristics about ourselves that we would like to change or that we don’t like as much as the others. And that’s OKAY. But the ways in which you are using your weaknesses to incriminate yourself is NOT okay. I get it, I know you think that being the first to highlight your frailties or using the same universally demeaning words to describe them will make you feel better about it. But it doesn’t. It is actually a suicide attempt via your self-esteem. Judgmental words such as fat, ugly, stupid, lousy, lazy, dumb are the nemesis to a healthy self- esteem and should be banished completely from your vocabulary. Who gave you permission to use such words towards yourself any way? Just because it’s a weakness or you would like to change it does not mean that you have to use harsh words to describe it. Put some RESPECT on it and watch how your self-esteem increases.
“I am not as thin as I would like to be”
“ My front teeth are more prominent”
“ I am beautiful”
“I was born with a purpose”
“I have the to tendency to be silly”
“ I am not my mistakes”
COMMITMENT 3: ACCEPT YOURSELF
Feeling accepted is one of our basic needs as humans. However, a common misconception is that acceptance comes from external sources. This could not be further from the truth. The first person that needs to accept you is you. Equally, the first person needs to get accepted is you. Sound Selfish? It is!! But for a good reason. Self-acceptance breads healthy self-esteem. And a healthy self-esteem is the key to a better quality of life.
You can’t just accept the strengths without the weaknesses. It’s ALL or NOTHING!! Here is the thing. Self acceptance does not mean the desire to change or improve does not exist. It does mean that there is a intentional decision to be aware of the present. As a matter of fact, self-acceptance is a pre-requirement for change. For example, if you have said that you are not happy with your current weight, before you decide to even lose a pound, you have to first fall in love with the present you. Respect where you are even though you may not like it.
Your self-esteem is your power. Are you ready for it to be activated?
Of course you are.